Episode 200
Welcome to episode 200, possibly the sloppiest drunken episode you will have heard from us!
We decided to play the My Little Pony Roleplaying game Tails from Equestria for this because… well I’m not overly sure but we did. Please note though, this is probably not safe for young children to listen to. Will they survive, or will we get really tired and have to have a lie down…. forever.
Buy Ritz biscuits, they potentially “cheesy”
Join us as a band of Podcasting Ponies try to work together as friendship is magic to rescue a friend from the clutches of… Well you will have to listen to find out!
Episode 199
Finally done with Belgrade and back on the Orient Express, everyone sank into a lovely relaxing sleep. Of course then many of them awoke in the Dreamlands leaving Serennian. Who is this new man Sadie is talking to? How is the meeting between Selina and her going to go?
More importantly will they be able to create their dream items so they can throw them into the gulf of Nodens and free themselves from whatever it is that they chose to lose.
Back to trying to escape from the Little Cabin in the Woods the Investigators find the trees are also dangerous. Can they run fast enough, or if not can they find a way to make the evil dangerous trees stop chasing them.
Can the investigators get back to the town through the woods without dying horrifically? Lets see.
Episode 197
Firstly we hear that Loka’s namesake Loka the special Pug has passed away and we have a moment of silence. Then we launch into it.
Secondly Pookie, Simon Burley, and James Mullen organise and run a twice-a-year, one-day convention in the centre of Birmingham called Spaghetti ConJunction, which raises money for Birmingham Children’s Hospital. The next event, Spaghetti ConJunction 2a, takes place on Saturday, February 10th.
Details can found here:
Website: https://spaghetticonjunction.wordpress.com/
Goaticorn (aka The Artist Formerly Known as Goaticorn, aka Notorius Goat-I-C) leads our intrepid searchers off the Hedge-equivalent of a motorway and onto a dank looking B-road equivalent. It getting dark, Suturis decides to light the way.
However they soon find a tower, but was Ivy ever in there? Also what is a Buas, and why is Kotic now waiting for it?
Episode 196
They’ve headed into the woods, they’ve found Grandmothers Cabin now to see if they can actually persuade her to sell the arm of the Sedefkar simulacrum to them assuming she has it.
Of course, Grandmother isn’t here and instead they find themselves dealing with a young lady who seems to be her grand-daughter who is much more interested in cooking and tapestry.
It’s all very calm. It’s all very non-threatening.
Episode 195
Selina is feeling sleepy as they finally reach the little village where they believe the next peice of the Sedefkar Simulacrum should be. Looking for the local priest Christian Philopovic they are glad to have left the Big Black Cockerel behind on the train so they can take full advantage of the locals hospitality.
They seem to have been invited to a large meal, another large meal, and then an ancient ritual. What is the significance of the ritual, what is the bone whistle for, and why does the priest’s wife look so well preserved?
Episode 194
Our Merry Band of Misfits continues going to look for the Ivy, but first they might have to deal with the thing which is stalking them through the Hedge. The issues is that the Path keeps trying to lure them off in the bushes, which would be incredibly bad.
Will Suturis’ red cloak actually make a difference, will Disposal manage to dispose of them, and will Bell realise that having a weapon and knowing how to use it are very different things!
Finally and more importantly… What is that thing over there, and what is it’s health provision!
Episode 193
Selina finally awakes and finds herself being held by the Serbian Police, and with no recollection of having comitted the crime they claim that she has perpetrated.
In her usual style she sets out to prove her innocence, mostly by browbeating the Inspector in charge of her case. Can she persuade them of her innocence, or at least get away with murder (again).
Once out will the rest of them be able to procure the paper work they need to transport the treasure and also to get it back from the museum!
First Archive has a bit of a kerfuffle at the enormity of having to deal with our spanky new sound block! Which we continue to fiddle with as we persue el nuevo sonido
This time in Changeling the Lost we are shaking it up a little, as this time we will be playing members of the Master of the Houses retinue in Lovely Arcadia. Follow as Bell the Mirrorskin Butler, Alyosia the Deer Doctor (dear?), Kotic the Watchcat, Disposal the… well the label is right there on the tin, and Suturis the dressmakers dummy go on adventures that they are frankly not equipped to deal with.
What could go wrong, oh yes we could need to eat food.
Episode 191
Happy Christmas / Hollidays / Winter-een-mas / Yule / Saturnalia / Time we all get off work!
We are debuting some new sound hardware this episode so hopefully it all worked out ok! There may be some kinks to work out, but if we’re lucky this should result in better quality sound, at least for a start you can no longer hear the creaky chairs!
On to the Episode.
With Selina arrested for Issy’s murder and the Sedefkar Simulacrum impounded along with all of the things they took from Professor Moric’s dig site. This is obviously a bit of an issue for the Investigators. So they decide to go shopping while their guide Petar tries to get them a meeting with Dr Todorovic to get the items back.
Episode 190
Clarissa is in shock at the revelation she received from the Accounts of Tillius Corvus, what does it mean that this long dead Roman is the spitting image of Doctor Jesus her erstwhile protector.
Everything moves swiftly however, and it is not long before she and Chester find themselves embroiled in yet more trouble.
There is Peril stalking the train, and maybe a few of their past issues have come back to roost.
The REAL session 5. Having snuck into the Cult’s hideout they reach where they believe the leader of the cult Unwen Ga Wahlith is hiding, but as they approached the tapestries launched themselves on the attack.
In the last session of Sanguis Omnia Vincet we find out if the Roman troops will get to actually retire or whether they will fall foul of the “2 Days before Retirement” trope.
Episode 188
The final chapter is here, they have the boss rat tied up and giggling. Surely now they will be able to get to the bottom of what caused the White Death to resurface…
Surely.
Join us now at the climax of the first chapter of this D&D campaign as the Adventurers try to bring the plague to an end, and Save the capital city Calci from suffering the same fate as Stagheyn.
Or they might burn the place down.
Where is the source of the plague, and can they stop it?
Episode 187
The Assault on Castle Stagheyn continues and is still surprisingly difficult. Morselor having pancaked into the Courtyard is very quickly healed by Gilguin, but they still have to get into the castle.
Well all apart from Elenil, who is in the castle but cannot actually injure any of the Wererats there. Plus they seems to be warming up the boiling oil. Bashing on the Door seems to be taking forever!
We got confused about the session number. Sorry. These chapters are super long! Despite calling it Session Five this was session four.
The Army of Skin and Blood defeated Tillius Corvus and his Loyal Falcones decide to track them back to their base and try and cut the head off the snake. Can they find the enemies secret hideout and end Unwin’s threat? Assuming that is that they survive the horror that is a Roman Breakfast.
Armed with more information about what is going on the Adventurers first have to decide what to do with their captured Were rat. Then head off to burn down the cargo crane so more dam creation cannot take place.
Their enemy is ensconced in the Castle, but there are probably only three enemies inside, how difficult could it be.
First we drink a Lemon Drizzle cake, which is a tea, but also tastes of Cake. Which once we work out how to brew it properly is quite nice.
Having taken two prisoners the Romans have to find information out from them, but instead get to listen to a cult propaganda speech until they finally lose their tempers.
One brutal stamping later, they realise that things are much worse than they expect.
Having made it to the Ghilian Outpost and being slightly terrified by people literally falling out of their skins the Fortes Falcones find themselves looking into what is going on.
Which is why they found themselves asking the question “Hey how did you skin all these corpses without taking their clothes off” to which the answer is obviously “SKIN MONSTERS”.
The school kids were intending to return from badger woods and own up to Gavin’s brutal assault on Simon the bully, when they were interrupted by the screams of a cornered Stacy who seems to being menaced by a Dog headed humanoid.
It’s back to the time of the Roman Legions now as the elite Fortes Falcones take just one last mission before they all get to retire finally.
Led by the heroic Tillius Corvus they head over in to Lydia where the hideous Valerian Plague is claiming lives amid rumours of satanic cults and rebellion. Desperate to provent the spread of the plague the Magister Militum sends in the best of the best.
In the 1960’s while the Boulder and Mahlaren loops were being built the British Government thought they would get in on the action as well and built a small (10KM) loop under the North East of England and the North Sea Bed. As the North East doesn’t really exist to Westminster it was the perfect place to site their Research centre, which absolutely does not do any Military Research in the marshes out towards Donna Nook.
Trapped in a zombie infested Stagheyn, still none the wiser about exactly what is going on the Adventurers decide to start looking. The issue is that they are fast running out of water, and with the zombies wandering all over the Town and the wells not being safe they are starting to worry.
What about the Wererats, why are they here? Why are they dumping wool bales over the wall into the river?
Finding Dr Belenzada hard at work on an amalgam of a Man, a Gorilla, and a pig the Investigators find that although Belenzada is clearly an unhinged madman it could be that Selena is the true monster here!
As Belenzada slashes at Jazmina, Tiny Tim Boxley leaps forward crowbar in hand to try and defend her.
However where has Clarissa has gotten to? What is Selena actually seeing?
We are actually all away this weekend as it is Mawdrigen and Mrs Mawdrigen’s Wedding!
Having just alerted everyone in Stagheyn that they have arrived the Adventurers decide to close the stable door after they have burned the stable down and stealth into the city.
As you might imagine this does not go well especially with an intransigent Draught Oxen called Tim!
We got a comment from Lovely Tea Teas! Find them Here
The Adventurers having driven off the Land Shark (renamed the Land Whale by the somewhat flatter Bard) and seeing the Castle of Stagheyn in the distance they take a rest and then plan their attack.
The also get to the bottom of the question, where is the Stag River? It turns out someone has dammed it and flooded the farmland outside the town walls, exactly what you need with a Waterborne disease surely…
The bodies are starting to mount up, Dr Moric, the Journalist, and the Journalist’s lover have all been found dead and the Investigators have begun tracking down the last few clues. They have found Dr Moric’s journal, several books detailing various things including the Mims-Sahis, last heard of when they read of the end of Sedefkar at the hands of the crusaders when he lost the dagger to Andres De La Trois.
They have also seen Dr Belenzada and via subterfuge have found out about his secret laboratory out in the woods. Not willing to wait until they have their morning breakfast meeting with the good Doctor they set off to take a look.
Faced with the return of the White Death the characters begin to procure the items they need for the mission, but also take the time to visit the Temple of Vielle and receive a rather cryptic blessing.
Then it’s off to Granny Hylanax for the disease curing potions before finally setting off.
CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR Bioshock Infinite, Mass Effect the original trilogy, and Andromeda.
Bloodied, Allegory, and Ghostlyn join forces to enact a Talky one from Deepest California where the temperature is so warm that even Cacti are giving up the ghost and wilting. Please note it is a little bit echoey, but quite good sound quality for being recorded on a phone! First they review some Iced Teas which are standard issue for survivng the Mojave Desert, especially when you have turned off the air con to get better sound.
Then they get onto gaming! Ghostlyn has recently completely the Mass Effect Series so they went through this and provided their feed back on the game series.
Please let us know what you think either here, at thecultofteaanddice@gmail.com, or @Cultteaanddice if you want to give us any Feedback, please also feel free to leave us reviews on Itunes
This Podcast is Explicit and contains Politics!, Poop-Tea, Mass-Effect, Thumbs up doesn’t work on radio, anti-climatic endings annoy us, Dragon Age Origins Pacing issues, Mass effect relationship woes, Gay Male Krogan?, Permanent catatonia face, Biotic Space Cancer, Gamergate being dicks again, Giant books with bad spines, Toxic people, and New Newness!
With Bloodied being over in the USA he took the time to run some Dresden files for Allegory and Ghostlyn! So join us now as a Shapeshifter who can turn into a Racoon and is beholden to the Morrigan, and a Shapeshifter who can turn into a dog and is beholden to… errr no one unless you check his Identity Chip engage in some shenanigans to save…
Welcome back to a very British Apocalypse, as Archive and Hardwick try to escape to the town of Reading to the Promised land of Sonning. We of course get off to a typically on track start, getting very distracted by the weird Eldritch chanting of the Children outside (who were roaring and squeaking).
Once that is dealt with they begin trying to deal with the fact that Archive, as part of her sneaking past the Jolly Anglers Fishermen Pub, by accident instead fired her Fire Extinguisher in through the window. Continue reading →
For the first time in the Podcast we dive into Dungeons and Dragons, and into the world of Kirion. A damaged world that fought of the influence of the Evil Gods long ago, and then when the Dragonkin returned from their magical exile it burned in the fires of their Bound Dragons. Their control of the Dragons was broken by the Frost Elves however and for the last 500 years the world has been in a new Age, the Sword Age.
Called to a meeting in the middle of the night by a Prince of the realm (Alden the ‘All Business’ Prince) Gilguin the Firbolg and Stone-Skims-Water the Tabaxi Paladin find themselves thrust into a dangerous situation involving a magical Disease up in the north of the Country of Barrowdale.
TRIGGER WARNING – This is a story of horror and danger in a world very very similar to our own. If that sort of thing would bother you, maybe try one of the other games instead! Please note This is ALL A WORK OF FICTION! We aren’t suggesting having a apocalyptic baby metal concert!
With Archive and Hardwick having decided that staying in Mawdrigen’s house was making their Britishness Uncomfortable they decided to leave. They have however found both a scary bridge and Il Porcupino! Archive is however more worried about the shape of the bridge!
With the start of the Cthulhu Wars Onslaught 3 Kickstarter Available Here
the chaps over at Gamerati asked if we would like to talk about Cthulhu Wars again and we answered with a resounding yes!
Cthulhu Wars is a game of asymmetric factions battling over a destroyed world. Join us as we go through the previous releases for the game and then go on to the items appearing in Onslaught 3! Hope you enjoy our thoughts on the game.
I strongly suggest backing this game if you can afford to!
TRIGGER WARNING – This is a story of horror and danger in a world very very similar to our own. If that sort of thing would bother you, maybe try one of the other games instead! Please note This is ALL A WORK OF FICTION! We aren’t suggesting having a apocalyptic baby metal concert!
We finally return to End of the World and attempt another play through of An Apocalypse In Yellow which we last attempted back in episode 98 (Here).
This time we have Hardwick and Archive stepping in as the victims of this particular apocalypse as they try and work out whether its ok to stay in Mawdrigen’s house while he’s not there, what tea they are going to have while they wait, and why why WHY the Decor has changed.
We discuss our ambivalence toward Green Tea Chocolates before Allegory reviews a tea for us from across the pond!
As we failed utterly to interrogate the right person, and then failed to find anything in the Bingo hall we decided to try and go and deal with the Cults lock-up-garage.
Violence is applied in short controlled bursts, the recovery position is deployed, Magic is brought into effect, We play the most dangerous game of the floor is lava. With any luck they might be able to find the Cauldron before swarms of Golden Dawn descend upon them!
Recorded just before the Election we were feeling a bit political at the beginning but then we launch straight into a million different threads of the investigation!
With Chester Fillman joining them they have some much needed muscle as they decide to go and take a look at the Tomb to see what may have been lost. With burglars kits and other such things. There they make a startling discovery the Mims Sahis, the dagger of Sedefkar was possibly in the tomb!
We finally try a tea designed to make us sleep, although we do also note it includes Lemongrass which makes you randy!
Then we launch into preparing for our meeting at the Tomb of Claude Velon in Highgate Cemetary. This plan involves, robes, black light, a giant glowing dog, and Mawdrigen getting properly fucked off with his dice.
We try a tea which is “alright”, and discuss vitamin B12.
Then we launch into the session, finding the investigators having escaped from the gun fight at the Train Station with Jazmina Moric the daughter of the Professor Moric that has found a Tomb adorned with a statue of Renault of Flanders.
In the taxi she explains that her father is missing and thanks them (especially Tim) for their help with the potential kidnappers. They head towards the hunting lodge that the Wagon – Lits company is intending to put them up in.
Still looking for a Cauldron belonging to a bunch of Faeries and following the clues from the dead Antiques dealer the characters get a promising lead.
Sort of.
However it becomes obvious that we don’t really know what we are doing as we flounder wildly trying to find out what the hell is going on. Also why did Nuada choose US for the job…
Please note Cult Central was FILLED with paint fumes hence an anarchic session Continue reading →
After a brief Champagne Breakfast they find themselves arriving in Vinkovinci by means of an anarchist (or comunist, or maybe croatian) bomb on the points the Investigators are immediately thrown into a dangerous situation. The Serbian Military Police think they are probably anarchists, or maybe Communists. Then they come to the aid of a damsel in distress with dangerous effect.
Also we plug the SideQuest Adventure Decks by Inkwell Ideas (available HERE) which have a few seeds written by Mawdrigen!
We’re back in the Dresdenverse and this time we aren’t jumping all over the place! Well we are still jumping about, but that’s actually us not the recording. Having realised that the Cauldron of the Daghda was probably swiped from the dead Antiques Dealer by someone who could travel through the Nevernever.
So off we go to Dulwich village, where the more non-human of us immediately choose the most non-human methods to investigate.
Trapped in what they assume is Dream Zagreb they continue pursuing the “Skull Stroking Weirdo” in the hope of learning what he knows about the Sedefkar Simulacrum.
In a weird city.
A very very weird city, but they might get some help at least!
Join us now as they wander through the confused, wild, and terrifying City of Bells and Towers
Here is the episode! Please note it jumps about a lot at the beginning.
Listen as we in small distinct chunks find out the Tuatha want us to do stuff. Allegory wows us with innuendo about his sweet creamy drink (it’s Bigelow and creamy…). We drink Indian tea mixed in Cornwall.
Then Mark goes to talk to a Warden and then the adventure begins! In Chunks! Jumpy Chunks!
From the point that we get to Kew Gardens however the episode is intact.
So for the first time in several years of us podcasting we had an Audacity fail, and it decided to shove just over 1/3 of episode 156 down the memory hole and lose it forever. While I attempted to get it back I was unsuccessful although the second half of the episode is actually fully intact. Instead I’m going to put up the slightly jumpy 156b up and here in 156a I and Bloodied go through and tell you what actually happened.
If you want to listen to what we have (unintentional comedy intact) please do, for those who don’t want to please skip episode 156b.
Please let us know what you think either here, at thecultofteaanddice@gmail.com, or @Cultteaanddice if you want to give us any Feedback, please also feel free to leave us reviews on Itunes
IT having all “gone to buggery” in the words of Tiny Tim Boxley the Investigators flee the scene taking the dodgy amulet with them. Some mourning is done for Oldstaff, Warfestache, and Otto the Bystander before fleeing back to Trieste.
Luckily it seems someone has appeared to help them, but can they be trusted?
Finally they head back to the Orient Express hoping for a nice rest and chance to recuperate… maybe with a lovely glass of wine.
Well the students know what they need to know. They head down to the Curator to receive the sword Mánbelthor (faerie-basher), the magical lucky ring, and the lethal Pepper Spray.
It can’t be helped, they have stalled as much as possible there nothing to do but go and kill a furry, sorry Faerie!
Sadly we had some sound issues again, however I’ve cleaned it up as much as I can. Unfortunately it seems to have refused to record from the lovely microphones we had set up and instead used the laptops internal microphone!
Mawdrigen’s accent continues to make it sound like we are trying to kill furries but it’s actually Faeries we are hunting. You know the Iron-Phobic Hedge-living baby-snatchers.
Anyway, having performed a séance and had a word with Paul Lane about his brother we realised that actually it was Faeries, and immediately began to try and work out the best plan. Having more Iron is definitely the best plan! To the Antiques Store!
Trapped in the darkness and surrounded by cultists the Investigators engage in a tense standoff. The Cultists want the Medallion, the Investigators don’t want to give it to them, and Otto the German Tourist is really very confused by what is going on. Gory death could be on the cards for everyone!
With the Corpse of the Turkish Business Man finally deposited into the canal, and Tiny Tim Boxleys brain still mostly in his head, the Investigators finally have finally located this Medallion that everyone seems to be interested in. They have found a Villa on the Via Marco Polo and it has a frieze of Bacchus just like Clarissa’s bruise over the door. Hopefully the amulet is inside and having this this will allow them to do a deal with the Things in the nearby caves for the piece of the simulacrum that the Investigators now fear they have. The door is padlocked and chained up, but with a master thief in their midst they should be able to get through that pretty easier.
The Cult of Tea and Dice, where British reviewers drink tea, play RPG’s, and assault your earholes with our opinions on things related to gaming and the sweet nectar of life that is Tea